Why me?

How many times have you asked yourself or God this question, “Why me”?  Why is MY child going through this struggle and the children in HER family all seem to be perfect?  Why is my marriage on the verge of divorce and that couple across the street seem to have it all together? Why do I struggle with a food addiction and my best friend can eat whatever she wants and look fabulous? Why God? Why me?

We sometimes tend to shake our fists at the sky when something tragic or painful happens in our lives, don’t we? I know I have done that many times!  We can’t seem to figure out why we have to suffer so much when others don’t seem to be suffering at all.  It’s not fair, right?
What I have been learning lately, though, is that it’s not meant to be fair.  What I am finally starting to figure out is that God has a plan for me in this life and until I started to truly understand that, I would never be able to work through any bad events that happen to me or the people I care about.

When we suffer a loss or abuse, divorce, infidelity, cancer or any tragic event, we start to fill our head and heart with fear and a lot of doubt!  Doubting God’s plan and His purpose for us is very normal and I believe it’s ok.  I mean it’s hard to believe in something that you can’t reach out and touch.  It really makes you wonder what this is all about and why so many people spend so much time trying to get others to buy into this whole God thing!  Doubting Him comes with the territory of faith at times.  However, I believe that doubting for too long can get us into a bit of trouble.  There is a fine line between doubting and losing our faith all together.  That fine line is where the enemy is sitting and waiting for you to fall straight into his lap.  “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves” Matthew 7:15
It can be very easy to give up on the Lord and follow the “easier” path into destruction.

The days when I have wanted to give up because my marriage was in turmoil and I didn’t have any answers, I doubted God, I started to give up on Him and rely only on myself.  I tried to control my husband, I tried to control the outcome of every argument, I was a mess!  Trust, Finances, Mis communication, lack of respect…name it!  I tried to control it, on my own without God’s help or without the help of any of the amazing Christian women in my life. That failed miserably for me and for my family!  I had no choice but to turn it around and grasp on to my faith.  The good news, no, the GREAT news is that He never abandons us, we are the ones that turn our back on Him.  He was right there waiting for me, time after time!

In having doubts, I think that is the time when God challenges us to yearn for Him even more.  He wants us to thirst for knowledge and allow ourselves to dive deeper into His word for answers.  Whether it be the Bible, a new church or a Christian woman in our lives that can help us sort through the why’s and move on to what now.

God was whispering to me for years to lead other women to be closer to Him.  He has been trying to tell me to use some of the things that I have gone through to bring women to Him and help them lay their fears, anxiety and doubts at the foot of the cross.  He was telling me to learn more about Him and follow the purpose that He has for me on this earth.  I couldn’t help but wonder “why me God?”
I am broken and weak!  I am a sinner and I’m not “fixed” yet.  Why are you asking me to do this?
I wasted a lot of time, asking Him why me instead of just listening to what He was asking me to do.
I am now figuring out that none of this is for me, but for Him.

I feel myself getting closer to Christ every day through this ministry.  That is the only answer I need right now.  I now know that the heartache I have faced in my life up until now has been preparation for doing His work.  He has made me stronger and more faithful.  That didn’t happen because my life has been easy or pain free, but it’s because of the struggles that have come my way, that have helped make me more faithful and able to face each day head on.  I know my pain is not over.  I know that I will cry many more tears on this journey on earth, but He is teaching me that if I lay it all at His feet, He will lead me on my path to Him in Heaven.  When in doubt, we need Him and we need each other.  Pray and listen to His whispers, He is calling you too.

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.  Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you.  I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.” Isaiah 41:10