Dirty Words

FEAR, ANGER, HELPLESSNESS, REGRET, BITTERNESS, ANXIETY, SADNESS, HOPELESS, SHAME….any of these emotions sound familiar as we examine the hurt that we’ve experienced in our lives?  It’s pretty painful to view these words with a microscope and really dig in to what they mean to us as they relate to our suffering.  However, it must be done!
Part of the problem that I used to face was running from the raw emotions that go hand in hand with painful situations in my life.  My faith in the Lord was weak, but my faith in my own way of dealing with situations was, well, weak too.  But I certainly could figure it out before God could, right?  Yeah, not so much!
What I did was bury these emotions and cover them with the things of this world instead of with turning them over to His loving arms!

As women, I truly feel that the only way to get to who we really are and live in peace, is to get in touch with those emotions that come from hurtful experiences, give them over to God and also to each other! Why do we make such an effort to hide that we’ve been hurt?  Why do we live with this burden of faking a smile when we’re dying inside because of a messy situation in our lives?  We are ALL experiencing some type of pain from our childhood, our adult life and possibly right this very second! We have GOT to find God and then we have got to find a woman or women in our lives that we can fall apart to.  BUT…and this is a BIG BUT…this is not about wallowing in the pain! Hear me when I say, the reason to go to our Christian women is not to complain and whine, it is to examine the “dirty” words and what they mean to us and then scoop them out and move forward!  We have to help each other find the purpose in our pain and then begin living in freedom from it!  Women that truly want to help you will not necessarily tell you want to hear and be your cheerleader, they will, quite possibly, tell you what you NEED to hear!

It’s kind of funny, well, not really very funny but between the deaths in my family (2 brothers), the accident my brother in law had many years ago, the alcoholism and drugs, the marital problems i’ve faced, the sickness of parents…(the list actually goes on), I got through it all! Here I am! Only by the grace of God I am still here and standing firm on faith!  Let me tell you, my faith was not what I relied on through those things! The extent of my true faith was probably a few decorative crosses on my walls.  Those are the days when I just walked through life, doing my thing the best I could and burying the raw emotions that come with pain and struggles.  It started to define who I thought I was. I always believed in God, but until a couple of years ago when I went on a woman’s retreat and met a woman that inspired me and saw something more in me, I didn’t know what faith really meant and how it could help me in future battles.

I’m finding purpose in all of the hardships in my life.  When I began my women’s ministry with this group of amazing women just recently, I thought I could lead them through this because I was in a fairly good, “pain free”, and peaceful place.  Then this holiday season I was slapped with yet another huge challenge!  I believe God is saying, “put your money where your mouth is Jen…you preach faith and peace and women shepherding other women, let’s see what you got.”  He’s so good at challenging me like that and it’s really quite frustrating.   I stepped up though!  I had to be a leader and hold it together! Not by fake but by faith!  I trusted Him to get us through! There was one day that I lost it, fell apart, hit the wall…no, literally, I HIT a wall…but no sooner than those tears flowed, I realized that HE has got this and He’s got me!

I asked my ministry girls for prayers and I am moving forward every day! We need each other ladies and we need Jesus! We are all in different stages of our suffering and pain, but we all have it and it’s ok to admit it.  Examine the dirty words, so that you can work toward the words like PEACE, HOPE, FREEDOM, AWARENESS AND PURPOSE.